Tuesday, 28 January 2014

Dear body, why do you hate me so?

For about four years now I've had what I think is best described as "psychosomatic morning sickness" (with a few real illnesses thrown in for fun, it has been four years). It started when someone else was pregnant, and I wanted to be pregnant too. She had just told me, it was a few days before my period was due, and I started feeling nauseous. Every morning. I would eat the granola bars that I ate when I was pregnant, and that did the trick.  But I wasn't pregnant, just disappointed, and wondering why I had that reaction. Some months it would happen, some months it wouldn't, and life went on. When I finally got fed up with it (and I thought it was getting worse, I also severe back pains during 3 out of every 4 weeks), I went to the doctor. He was also convinced I was pregnant, but no. He ordered a whole battery of tests, diagnosed and treated a UTI along the way (which explained the new pain), and no real answers. So here I am, inexplicably nauseous and tired, again, unable to concentrate (or frankly focus my eyes, let alone my mind). If such symptoms came with a positive pregnancy test, I'd embrace it, every ache and spin and 12-hour nap. But it doesn't. It just taunts me.

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