Tuesday, 17 February 2015

Eastern Medicine

I had my first consult and began treatment - combination acupuncture and herbs. I didn't feel most of the needles at all (it's nothing after all the injections of IVF) and the herbs didn't taste nearly as awful as she made it sound (maybe she just says that so we aren't expecting a nice herbal tea). 

My expectations for clearing blockage are low, as I suspected, she said mucus plugs are readily targeted by herbs but scar tissue, especially given how old and bad mine likely is, is a long shot and I shouldn't expect much. However, since I went in with those same low expectations, I will be happy to just get my digestive and hormonal balance back, as these are areas Western medicine has failed me for years.  

Despite my low expectations, and rapid decent towards 40, I still don't quite feel ready to "let it all go" just yet. Having spent the better part of the past 6 years dreaming of another pregnancy, I can't just shut if off, but days go by now where I am more focused on other things. It does get a bit easier, and maybe by the time I'm 45 I'll be ready to let go of the maternity clothes and admit that I'll never wear them again. For now, I'm going to give Eastern medicine a go for a few months, and then maybe in June I'll revisit the idea of repeating my tubal patency test (horrible as it was, but this time I will request benzodiazapines to get me through it) or more invasive investigation or surgery to remove the scar tissue. Or maybe by June I'll be that much closer to moving on. After more than a year of saving every penny for IVF, I now have new goals for every penny I save, the enjoyable things I put on hold like travel. 

I think the key to moving on will be to rediscover and enjoy diaper-free freedoms.